Finally, Labor has come up with an inspired
solution for all the vexed issues that plague our nation. Gay marriage. The wide-ranging
advantages that will stem from this momentous decision should be plain for all
to see.
Take climate change. By far the majority of
gay couples remain childless – despite the occasional Elton John style
arrangement - thereby relieving the planet of the burdensome carbon footprint
of all those horrible toddlers, the ghastly SUV’s required to chauffeur them
around, and the carbon-emitting farting fast food farm animals needed to feed
them. The goddess Gaia will undoubtedly breathe a sigh of relief. Indeed, who’s
to say she and her ‘friend’ Mother Nature don’t intend to take advantage
themselves of the new platform?
Similarly, gay marriage should put an
abrupt halt to the ever-growing influx of asylum-seekers. Forget all the kerfuffle
about where to process them. The current flood of boat people will soon dwindle
to a harmless trickle. After all, what self-respecting, Sharia-abiding,
homo-hating middle eastern father of fifteen is going to pay all that money in
search of a better life only to wind up in the land of the Wedded Sodomites?
Inner city development and renewal will
also benefit from this far-sighted decision, as married gay couples from the
outer suburbs flock to build their future homes in Surry Hills and St Kilda.
Expect an investment boom worthy of the 90’s as Paddo terraces lead the real
estate recovery.
And let’s not forget – as a global
recession looms - the spur this decision will give to such innovative industries
as same sex wedding planning, gay honeymoon tourism, double-bridal fashions,
groom’s dressmaking and so on, in which Australia can yet again lead the world.
Clearly, those myopic critics who dismissed
this decision as an elitist, inner-city irrelevance missed the wider benefits
entirely.
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